a time to be silent, and a time to speak

’tis the eve of the year 2013 and this is my first official blog entry to tick off one of my 2012 resolutions. Its 3:00am and I have so many things running in my mind.

One constant thought in my head right now is how I want this year to end for me. It’s been an emotion filled week for me, to say the least. And this is somewhat normal around this time of the year. I tend to over think about what happened in the year that just passed and how it was or wasn’t how I expected it to be.

For most of 2012 – it was a good year. Praise God for my friends and especially my family who got me through it all. Unfortunately due to recent events, Im finding it really hard for me to recall all the ‘good times’ that occurred in my life this year. But Im sure there are some.

And for those who are really interested in how my year was.. I recently volunteered to write a piece for a spoken word event. The theme was “Throwback ’12”.. and it sums up my year in one aspect.

 

“So unhappy, but safe as could be.
Passed on risks and opportunity
to be thrilled, scared – at least the good kind.
Coz on my mind the pain would rewind and rebound,
clash and collide.
So I insisted on comfort, persisted on being safe.
Looked left and right before I took the chances I would make.

But in twenty-twelve I tried something.
Decided to turn it out around to find something.
I wanted to mean something –
something someone, somewhere would see something
in me, that’s worth loving.
I knew I had to change my ways.
The way I love, the way I hate, the way I relied on fate.
But it turns out, it all came down to my faith.

On I went, tried something new.
Left behind the sadness, instead happiness I tried to pursue.
Like I’ve done multiple times but became too consumed
on the definitions, explanations and roles I assumed. 
Seeking happiness in the wrong corners,
waiting for approval in their voices.
Was I making the right choices?
Was I picking the right friends?
Was I loving to be loved?
Was I making amends?
Was I praising myself or my God who deserved the glory?
Was this just another chapter, or is this – the story?
Always in pain, always in strife and once again in my hand I find a knife….
Was this the story of my life?
Wasn’t happiness I was trying to find?
Wasn’t it my soul I was trying to save?
And it turns out, it all came down to my faith.

See my whole life I knew this all along.
Jesus my Saviour! Christ my Everlasting Hope.
He loves me, adores me and knows my worth.
And even though –
I’ve turned my back on him twice, plus a thousand and eight,
behind me He stays, my back He faces, in it, security He places.
And even though –
I’ve sinned through my addictions to transiently forget about my afflictions,
He forgives me and my complications through the Sacrament of Reconciliation.
And even though –
I seek love in people, and in materialistic needs and even in the food that I eat,
He knows, that I know, that true love is in Him and that’s enough until eternity.

So a throwback of twenty-twelve? Can’t say I’ve lived it completely faithfully.
Although this year was increasingly positive than the past year.
Quit my job twice. My heart broke for the ultimate price.
Worked hard and decreased a little in size.
Became an auntie and found new respect for parents.
Counted my blessings and calculated my merits.
But what matters most is the reason for my being.
The accounts in my choices. The purpose of my living.
The rationality in my conviction. The discernment in my prayers.
The sense in my making. The judgement of my affairs.
This year and all the others..
this was for my Heavenly Father.
Not for me, and not for them.
AD MAIOREM DEI GLORIAM.”

 

Thank you for reading. Happy New Year!

2012 resolution

 

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When this year began like everyone else I made a list of resolutions for this year. One of the items was to create a new blog. And with 12/13 days left before the year ends, I thought – why not right? There’s a time for everything!

Hence the name of this blog “A time for everything”, inspired by the following bible verse…

“There is an appointed time for everything, and a time for every affair under the heavens. A time to give birth, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to uproot the plant. A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to tear down, and a time to build. A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance. A time to scatter stones, and a time to gather them; a time to embrace, and a time to be far from embraces. A time to seek, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away. A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to be silent, and a time to speak. A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace. What profit have workers from their toil? I have seen the business that God has given to mortals to be busied about. God has made everything appropriate to its time, but has put the timeless into their hearts so they cannot find out, from beginning to end, the work which God has done. I recognized that there is nothing better than to rejoice and to do well during life. Moreover, that all can eat and drink and enjoy the good of all their toil—this is a gift of God. I recognized that whatever God does will endure forever; there is no adding to it, or taking from it. Thus has God done that he may be revered. What now is has already been; what is to be, already is: God retrieves what has gone by.”
Ecclesiastes 3:1-15

This blog will be about the times in my life when i have laughed and wept, mourned and danced, loved and hated etc. and hopefully the lessons that I’ve learnt from whatever life has thrown at me. 

Enjoy and God bless!

Ps. Merry Christmas!