a time to bear pain (pt 1)

The other night I went back on the court and played competitive basketball after being sidelined for a month due to a spine injury. I honestly did.. horribly. I fell pretty hard 3 times (or possibly more), was pushed and shoved by the other team, missed all of my wide open shots and at half time, I needed to take some ibuprofen to relieve me from the pain. Ahh, the emotional and physical pain this left me was laughable. And if that wasn’t enough, the muscular pain I felt when I woke up the next morning was even worse. But, it was totally worth it. Every time I feel hopeless or if I’m suffering from physical pain I always tell myself.. I have gone through worse, and survived!

Thank God and His generosity for always having my back. Whenever I don’t get called in for work (as a Casual Teacher), I always accept it as God telling me to take a break and rest. While in bed, resting my old aching muscles and bad back, I was scrolling through my photos on my phone in hopes of culling down my 16,408 images to at least, 15,000 (baby steps, hahah). I got distracted, as always, and stumbled upon a quote that helped me get through some of the physically toughest months I have ever had in my adult life. This is the first half of it…

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I knew that coming across this wasn’t a coincident. I honestly don’t believe in coincidences. I believe there’s a time for everything and I think it’s time to tell this part of my story. It’s a bit of a long one so I thought I’d divide it in two. Just a warning, there will be a bit of medical/gross talk so maybe don’t read on if that stuff doesn’t sit well with you.

“This is the meaning of suffering, which is truly supernatural and at the same time human. It is supernatural because it is rooted in the divine mystery of the Redemption of the world, and it is likewise deeply human, because in it the person discovers himself, his own humanity, his own dignity, his own mission.” (Salvifici Doloris, §31)

February 20, 2016: I called in sick for work due to sharp pain that I felt in my lower back. A few hours later the pain still wouldn’t go away after taking some medication so I called my best friend to drive me to the hospital for an emergency. It turns out that I had a pretty large kidney stone sitting in my ureter. It wasn’t small enough to pass so I needed to eventually get it lasered out – which was an expensive surgery I couldn’t afford. I had most of the money but I had 2 travel plans ahead of me, Singapore which was only days away and WYD/Europe which was 5 months away.

February 24, 2016: The day before I planned to fly out for Singapore my doctor advised me to go to my local hospital to make sure that I was fit to fly and travel. It was supposed to be a general check up but the next thing I knew, I was being prepped for an emergency surgery. This stone sitting in my ureter could at any point block it entirely which could cause a sepsis, a life threatening complication with an infection. I found myself having a few spare moments of silence while lying on the hospital bed inside the anaesthetic room. With tired eyes from crying, I looked up at the ceiling light and whispered, “Whatever Your reason is for allowing me to go through this Lord, I offer it up. My body, my mind, my life, is Yours.” A few hours later, I had a stent sitting inside my ureter which stayed in for the next 3 gruelling and uncomfortable months. This ensured that my ureter would not be obstructed and therefore prevent a sepsis from occurring, but it definitely came with painful consequences.

My body, my mind, my life, is Yours – when I prayed these words to Him, I never knew that at the time, it would be a chant I had to constantly repeat in my head over and over again to get me through the next few months of trials. You see, that was only the beginning. Because of my travel plans for WYD and Europe from July – August, I had planned every single day leading up to July 20, our departure date. I overloaded my last semester of my Masters, made myself available to work for 40 hours a week even though I was part time, and I still had my responsibilities at home with my family. That was the plan. But you know what they say… If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans. 

God laughing

To be continued.. 

x M.

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