a time to let go

Letting go is never easy. But sometimes it needs to be done. Especially when it weighs us down so much that it keeps us stagnant in our lives. This post is inspired by the next three losses experienced by real life people. Three different lives, three different situations, three different heartbreaks – but all three stories ended with one person having to let go, even if they didn’t want to.

1. A ‘relationship’
This is probably the most experienced of them all, losing a relationship. Just last week a heartbreak I experienced became anonymously publicised. To be completely honest, after reading over my story again and receiving feedback and sincere concern from my close friends, I couldn’t help but feel the heartache all over again. And a friend of mine asked me, “Don’t you want closure?” Of course I did, but I don’t think I’ll ever get it. However, If I kept holding on to it, I couldn’t help but think that he is occupying a part of my heart that I knew belonged to someone else.

“Close your eyes. Clear your heart. Let it go.”

2. A friendship
Some people say that losing a friendship is worse than losing a relationship. My friend can attest to that. I recently caught up with him and despite what people assumed (including myself) he wasn’t only grieving the loss of a relationship but also a close friendship. How it happened was quite deceitful and what makes it even more sad is that it could have been prevented. What’s humbling is that despite never receiving closure, this friend of mine is choosing to forgive.

“If you want to fly, you have to give up what weighs you down.”

3. A life
And, the toughest one of them all – a friend of mine recently lost her father quite unexpectedly. There’s nothing one can really do to fully prepare themselves for losing a parent. But she did what she could and courageously delivered a eulogy at his funeral to commemorate the short life he had lived. Along with the beautiful stories she had shared, she also spoke about the reality of moving forward, which she truthfully admitted to being the hardest part of this whole devastating ordeal.

“Moving forward is not betrayal.”

No, letting go is not easy at all. Especially when it involves someone we love. And everyone has their different methods of dealing with it. Some turn to hobbies that will keep them busy and distracted. Others turn to vices that will help drown the sorrow and the pain. I’ve definitely done both. And from experience, the best and healthiest way to do it is to.. let go, and let God.

He heals our broken hearts, our broken lives, our broken selves. So, when you’re ready, just let go and let God intervene.

“Come to me, all you who labor and are burdened, and I will give you rest.” Matthew 11:28

Letting God, – M.

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a time to fail

It was ten years ago when I first laid eyes on him. He was everything I ever wanted at the time. I was 20 years young, in my final year of my undergraduate degree, and I still had my whole life ahead of me.

But as the years went by, I began to prioritise other things and neglected him to the point where his value started to waste away. Fast forward ten years later, to this very week, when the time came to say my goodbyes. I was quite emotional, not really knowing exactly why. We’ve been through a lot together, he literally journeyed with me for ten growing years.

And I thought it was all those years we spent together that made the thought of separation unbearable. But it wasn’t. It was because I had failed. My first adult responsibility was entrusted to me and I failed so hard. It was a massive slap to the face, and my pride. And it hurt like diving into a pool, belly first.

You might have already gathered that I’m not talking about a person. The subject of this blog is none other than Theodore Cameron Silverstone, otherwise known as Teddy – my first beloved car.

You see, I’m going on a holiday in ten days and I’m a little (a lot) short on cash, so I had this grand (well, I thought it was good at the time) idea of selling my car. Teddy was literally wasting away, sitting in the driveway, because I barely used it. So I finally gathered the courage to ask for my parents’ blessing to sell it. They bought me the car as birthday/graduation present so I thought it would only be polite to. And when they finally said “Do whatever you want with it, it was a gift to you.”, I was in high hopes and set up an appointment with a car buyer company to evaluate it.

Those high hopes didn’t last long. I quickly (which was odd, because my phlegmatic temperament says I’m slow to react) started coming to terms with selling Teddy and I instantly became sad, almost to the point where I tried to come up with valid reasons to not go to the appointment. And then trying to convince myself that those reasons were better than going on a holiday completely broke. It was an internal battle. I have a lot of those.

Anyway, with a lot of apprehension, I still went to the appointment. I remember the day like it was yesterday (it was about four days ago, lol). It was gloomy and the dark clouds reflected my emotions. I like to say that I like change. My resume can attest to that. But I still have trouble letting go of things, especially things with sentimental value.

But what happened next was more dreadful than I can ever imagine. As the buyer looked at Teddy for an evaluation, even before he stepped into the car, he already started listing all the things that was wrong with it. And each flaw, each malfunction, was like a splintered piece of wood piercing through my heart.

And then, a glass-shattering moment came over me. I finally realised why I was dreading this appointment so much. It was because I knew deep down that I had failed Teddy. And I wasn’t ready to hear it from a professional. It was kinda like receiving a report card full of F’s from a teacher but knowing full well that you deserved it.

I failed. And it was so heartbreaking.

But you know, like with every mistake and failure in life, I had to accept it. And of course, I promised myself that if I ever gather enough money to buy my second car, I’d take care of it. I owe it to Teddy.

Anyway, because the car was in such a bad condition, the buyer was only willing to buy it for metal scrap and I knew my dad, despite his blessing, would be furious with that decision so I drove Teddy back home and now he’s back where he was, wasting away in the driveway. But my goodbyes weren’t wasted. I learnt a valuable lesson from it. Own up to your mistakes and failures and, as the late wise Aaliyah used to say/sing..

“If at first you don’t succeed, dust yourself off and try again..”

All humour aside though..

..a legitimate, unwanted goodbye had to be said that very same day. Something tragic occurred to someone I knew and now her family and friends have had to say goodbye to her young, driven life. She had so much potential and her passing has shaken everyone that knew her, even me, who had only known her for a few months. Please lift up a prayer for her soul and her family.
Rest in paradise, Jessica Mudie.

Until next time – M.