Four months ago, in December last year, I felt a heartbreak that I couldn’t comprehend. The very imperfect millennial side of me turned to Twitter and posted a broken heart emoji because I couldn’t find the words. Only recently did I realise why this heartbreak had to happen.
No, this is not a love story. But it is a long one, so sit tight.
Last year I applied for a job that I really wanted for 2018. I was very careful in applying for a full time job in the Education industry because I didn’t want to burn out and quit. But there was a point last year when the stars aligned and I managed to score an interview for a full time Diversity Teacher role, with two really strong references. After almost a year of casual teaching, I had an idea of what I wanted to do full time and Diversity Teaching is the career path that I wanted to take. I pretty much “had it in the bag”. But before going into the interview I wanted to be completely transparent in my intentions, and told the employer that I had plans to go to Philippines for two weeks in February 2018. Because of this, my interview was retracted, leaving me broken hearted.
“Lord, if I wanted it so much, why would You take it away from me?”
Such a human reaction. But eventually I accepted this “retraction” because the reason why I was going to Philippines was to attend the SFC 25th Anniversary ICON. Deep in my heart, I knew that attending this event was more important. But in my mind, I had doubts. Even during the days leading up to my flight, I kept wondering if it was worth everything that I risked.
To this day, I’m still processing my ICON 2018 experience but to keep it short (for now), and a little predictable, it was rekindling. It was exactly what I needed to revitalise my love and service for SFC. But despite the hype from the conference and the very chill post conference hangs, I came back feeling anxious. I kept questioning my career choices and all my doubts and fears soon returned. This was two months ago. Two months ago, I experienced something I knew I was so blessed to be a part of.
But still, I doubted. Why do we do that? Why do we doubt, when we are surrounded by our blessings? It’s because we are impatient. In this day and age, we are so spoilt by instant gratification all around us. So when we have a moment in our lives when we don’t get what we want, we question and we doubt.
So, He asks us to wait.
Once I settled back into casual teaching work, I just kept my head down and kept working. But, unexpectedly, I started developing friendships at this school I was teaching at. Eventually, I thought that maybe the reason why I wasn’t meant to get that teaching role I applied for last year (which was at another school) was because I was meant to be at this school instead. And for me, that was good enough. I was pretty satisfied. I was getting enough work and I was thoroughly enjoying the perks of being a casual teacher. I was getting exposed to different grades, which came with its own challenges and blessings. Although it was nothing permanent, I was still happy. Don’t get me wrong, I had more bad days than good. But from the support I received from the other teachers, I was beginning to really love it there and I felt at home.
He asks us to wait, not because He is testing us. He asks us to wait so we can learn to be patient. He believes in us that much, that even when something we desire doesn’t go to plan, He knows that we will persevere for His plan – which is better than anything we can ever imagine.
On Easter Monday, I got offered a temporary role at this school that I loved. I was beyond ecstatic! And the cherry on top? It was the exact same teaching role (Diversity Teacher) that I applied for last year, except it was at this school, the school that, through the challenges, support, good days and bad, I grew to love. It was a classic “But I love it, God” moment for me.
Lord, give me the strength necessary to wait for Your promises. Forgive me for taking Your generosity for granted when I become impatient and question Your will for me. Thank You for always believing in me and for knowing me more than I know myself. Thank You for believing that I’ll persevere and that I deserve better. Thank You for knowing what will strengthen me and purify me. Thank You for loving me and giving me opportunities to grow in my love for You.
Patiently waiting, – M. x